The End of an Era.
You've probably heard this, but I'll tell you again.
BYU was my dream from the time I was a little first grader who didn't understand what college was. Regardless, I told my teacher that my biggest goal in life was to "get straight A's and get into BYU."
Check. (Well, maybe not the straight A's part).
As my time at BYU has come to a close, I can't help but question "what's next?" What is my new dream? My new goal? My new aspiration?
Of course we all have those things that we want eventually. For me, that includes adding kids to Team Tautkus, kicking butt at a job (to be determined), maybe circling back to BYU for a grad program (when? what in?), sewing more, finally running a half marathon, seeing Hamilton on Broadway and buying flowers at Pike Place Market.
But my issue is - none of these dreams are as defined or straight forward as first grade me would like them to be. I am sure that when/if my new life plans happen, it'll be fabulous and fulfilling. It's just hard to be stuck in the dreamless in-between, not knowing when (or if) my next true life aspiration is going to happen.
I have defined myself by being good at school for 17 years. SEVENTEEN YEARS. And now that part of my identity is gone and I don't really know what to work for next. How will I measure personal productivity and achievement? What will drive me to keep pushing when there isn't a cut-and-dry deadline for ending or beginning something new? How am I going to cope with persisting through the years without the promise of consistent change or a reasonable "I can do anything for 14 weeks" mentality?
Why is it that I can successfully navigate the American education system and still feel like it has pulled one over on me? I can't help but think that I missed out on one of their best kept secrets - you'll wish it is over until it finally is.
It's hard to go from literally living your lifelong dream every day to existing without a new dream to shoot for.
As Always,
Alesha
BYU was my dream from the time I was a little first grader who didn't understand what college was. Regardless, I told my teacher that my biggest goal in life was to "get straight A's and get into BYU."
Check. (Well, maybe not the straight A's part).
As my time at BYU has come to a close, I can't help but question "what's next?" What is my new dream? My new goal? My new aspiration?
Of course we all have those things that we want eventually. For me, that includes adding kids to Team Tautkus, kicking butt at a job (to be determined), maybe circling back to BYU for a grad program (when? what in?), sewing more, finally running a half marathon, seeing Hamilton on Broadway and buying flowers at Pike Place Market.
But my issue is - none of these dreams are as defined or straight forward as first grade me would like them to be. I am sure that when/if my new life plans happen, it'll be fabulous and fulfilling. It's just hard to be stuck in the dreamless in-between, not knowing when (or if) my next true life aspiration is going to happen.
I have defined myself by being good at school for 17 years. SEVENTEEN YEARS. And now that part of my identity is gone and I don't really know what to work for next. How will I measure personal productivity and achievement? What will drive me to keep pushing when there isn't a cut-and-dry deadline for ending or beginning something new? How am I going to cope with persisting through the years without the promise of consistent change or a reasonable "I can do anything for 14 weeks" mentality?
Why is it that I can successfully navigate the American education system and still feel like it has pulled one over on me? I can't help but think that I missed out on one of their best kept secrets - you'll wish it is over until it finally is.
It's hard to go from literally living your lifelong dream every day to existing without a new dream to shoot for.
As Always,
Alesha
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