The Promising (?) 2017
The word I chose for 2017 was "promising." At the beginning of the year, I felt excited for so many things. My horizon was bright and I truly felt like it was going to be my year (hello, lucky number...)
Obviously, my prediction was right in so many ways.
Ways that I predicted: becoming Mrs. Tautkus & everything that process entails and getting a second chance with YServe as the VP.
Ways that I wasn't anticipating: leaving my job at the key office, a job that I felt stuck in, for a job I'm passionate about as a TA and meeting and making new friends.
However, when I set the then-easy goal to maintain enthusiasm throughout the course of the year, I could never have predicted the road blocks that would make that seemingly easy (I was going to get married, enthusiasm shouldn't be hard at all) goal really, really difficult. I don't want to turn this into a compilation of complaints about the past year, but I think I would be remiss if I didn't write about some very difficult situations that enabled me to learn a lot - things that helped me recognize the aspects of life that are promising no matter what.
At the beginning of the year, I got engaged to my sweetheart! It was such an exciting and promising time. The world was our oyster and any life goal we thought up could truly be our reality. We were busily planning our wedding and preparing for our marriage. I loved the time we had to anticipate and prepare for our life together. However, when I dreamt up planning my wedding, I never planned on becoming incredibly depressed. I felt like there was a cloud over my brain that blocked true happiness and productivity. I had a hard time waking up in the morning, I started to fail my classes and I felt mediocre in every aspect of my life. It was a very, very dark time. The worst part was, I struggled for so long before I recognized something was seriously wrong and I needed real help. It took a complete emotional break down on an elevator to realize I was not mentally healthy. I immediately admitted myself to BYU's CAPS (free psychologists) where I met a man named Derek who let me cry on his couch. He helped me find a little light in a dreary time. Eventually, Derek helped me realize that my depression was a nasty side effect of the new birth control I was on. With that realization, I was able to switch medication and begin my path to recovery. During this time, I learned a lot about relying on my Savior, whose light is sufficient, even if it is the only light in your life. I learned that my worth came from a divine heritage and Father in Heaven who loved me, not a GPA or a wedding dress. I was blessed during this time to never have questioned whether my marriage to Tommy was right. I always felt peaceful and sure of the revelation I had received about our marriage and came to rely on the power of the Priesthood available to me at all hours. Even though I was not in a healthy place, Tommy was nothing but patient, loving, and supportive. He consistently confirmed my worth and offered blessings that helped pull me out of my despair. Although I would never want to relive those 6 months, I am grateful for the testimony I developed of the love our Father has for us, the enabling power of the Atonement, Heaven's helpers, the Priesthood, and the stability of a loving companion. Although life doesn't always have a promising glow, the life of our Savior and the power of the gospel should always remain promising.
Another huge setback I couldn't have predicted were three horrible phone calls: one in June that told me my Dad had had a heart attack, one in October that told me my mom had been admitted to the ICU and one in December that brought news of my Grandfather's passing. Although both of my parents were fortunate to survive their stays in the ICU and are healthily thriving right now, these experiences absolutely shook me. Words cannot describe the emotions I've felt this year watching two of the people I love most in this world be so frail and close to death. I am still emotional revisiting these times. I learned a lot during that cumulative week of ICU visits and their subsequent months of healing. I learned, yet again, that there are things that matter most in a world of important to-do's. I've learned that families are forever, yes, but that they are fragile and our time on earth is short. This year, I've made changes in my relationships (one of my golden keys for a promising 2017) that have enabled me to slow down, communicate kindly, spend time and love at a more vulnerable level. Although that change proved to be extremely painful with the passing of my Grandpa, I was grateful that I had taken the time to be with him while he was here. I was grateful that while we were looking through some of his belongings, hidden away in a special book was a letter I had written to him. Although his loss is heavily felt, I am grateful I don't have regrets in my mourning. From Grandpa, I learned to prioritize God and family, to work hard, to set high expectations for self but not be disappointed if I fall short. I learned first hand this year that when we are doing these things, life can ring promising even in sad times.
Wow, emotional rollercoaster, right? 2017 was a really, really hard year. But despite its difficulties it always remained promising. This year, Tommy and I have accomplished a lot of really great things together - from watching the entire series of Psych to both making Dean's List. We've learned that we shouldn't allow hunger to cause arguments and that we are not maliciously competitive when it comes to board games. We've visited California twice, Vegas three times, St. George & Logan, etc. We've eaten a lot of Cafe Rio and Sushi, but have also been really good at following our budget and creating meal plans. Life with Tommy has been phenomenal this year. It has remained joyful even in grim situations. 2017 was a promising year. It helped me realize that the promises the Lord has made to us are sure - He upholds His end and it has helped me realize that light, even in the darkest situations, still prevails. And those are promising lessons I will rely on for the rest of my life. So thank you 2017 (but please be a little nicer, 2018).
Obviously, my prediction was right in so many ways.
Ways that I predicted: becoming Mrs. Tautkus & everything that process entails and getting a second chance with YServe as the VP.
Ways that I wasn't anticipating: leaving my job at the key office, a job that I felt stuck in, for a job I'm passionate about as a TA and meeting and making new friends.
However, when I set the then-easy goal to maintain enthusiasm throughout the course of the year, I could never have predicted the road blocks that would make that seemingly easy (I was going to get married, enthusiasm shouldn't be hard at all) goal really, really difficult. I don't want to turn this into a compilation of complaints about the past year, but I think I would be remiss if I didn't write about some very difficult situations that enabled me to learn a lot - things that helped me recognize the aspects of life that are promising no matter what.
At the beginning of the year, I got engaged to my sweetheart! It was such an exciting and promising time. The world was our oyster and any life goal we thought up could truly be our reality. We were busily planning our wedding and preparing for our marriage. I loved the time we had to anticipate and prepare for our life together. However, when I dreamt up planning my wedding, I never planned on becoming incredibly depressed. I felt like there was a cloud over my brain that blocked true happiness and productivity. I had a hard time waking up in the morning, I started to fail my classes and I felt mediocre in every aspect of my life. It was a very, very dark time. The worst part was, I struggled for so long before I recognized something was seriously wrong and I needed real help. It took a complete emotional break down on an elevator to realize I was not mentally healthy. I immediately admitted myself to BYU's CAPS (free psychologists) where I met a man named Derek who let me cry on his couch. He helped me find a little light in a dreary time. Eventually, Derek helped me realize that my depression was a nasty side effect of the new birth control I was on. With that realization, I was able to switch medication and begin my path to recovery. During this time, I learned a lot about relying on my Savior, whose light is sufficient, even if it is the only light in your life. I learned that my worth came from a divine heritage and Father in Heaven who loved me, not a GPA or a wedding dress. I was blessed during this time to never have questioned whether my marriage to Tommy was right. I always felt peaceful and sure of the revelation I had received about our marriage and came to rely on the power of the Priesthood available to me at all hours. Even though I was not in a healthy place, Tommy was nothing but patient, loving, and supportive. He consistently confirmed my worth and offered blessings that helped pull me out of my despair. Although I would never want to relive those 6 months, I am grateful for the testimony I developed of the love our Father has for us, the enabling power of the Atonement, Heaven's helpers, the Priesthood, and the stability of a loving companion. Although life doesn't always have a promising glow, the life of our Savior and the power of the gospel should always remain promising.
Another huge setback I couldn't have predicted were three horrible phone calls: one in June that told me my Dad had had a heart attack, one in October that told me my mom had been admitted to the ICU and one in December that brought news of my Grandfather's passing. Although both of my parents were fortunate to survive their stays in the ICU and are healthily thriving right now, these experiences absolutely shook me. Words cannot describe the emotions I've felt this year watching two of the people I love most in this world be so frail and close to death. I am still emotional revisiting these times. I learned a lot during that cumulative week of ICU visits and their subsequent months of healing. I learned, yet again, that there are things that matter most in a world of important to-do's. I've learned that families are forever, yes, but that they are fragile and our time on earth is short. This year, I've made changes in my relationships (one of my golden keys for a promising 2017) that have enabled me to slow down, communicate kindly, spend time and love at a more vulnerable level. Although that change proved to be extremely painful with the passing of my Grandpa, I was grateful that I had taken the time to be with him while he was here. I was grateful that while we were looking through some of his belongings, hidden away in a special book was a letter I had written to him. Although his loss is heavily felt, I am grateful I don't have regrets in my mourning. From Grandpa, I learned to prioritize God and family, to work hard, to set high expectations for self but not be disappointed if I fall short. I learned first hand this year that when we are doing these things, life can ring promising even in sad times.
Wow, emotional rollercoaster, right? 2017 was a really, really hard year. But despite its difficulties it always remained promising. This year, Tommy and I have accomplished a lot of really great things together - from watching the entire series of Psych to both making Dean's List. We've learned that we shouldn't allow hunger to cause arguments and that we are not maliciously competitive when it comes to board games. We've visited California twice, Vegas three times, St. George & Logan, etc. We've eaten a lot of Cafe Rio and Sushi, but have also been really good at following our budget and creating meal plans. Life with Tommy has been phenomenal this year. It has remained joyful even in grim situations. 2017 was a promising year. It helped me realize that the promises the Lord has made to us are sure - He upholds His end and it has helped me realize that light, even in the darkest situations, still prevails. And those are promising lessons I will rely on for the rest of my life. So thank you 2017 (but please be a little nicer, 2018).
As Always,
Alesha
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